Soup is good beverage
Posts authored by Tory
Draws. Sweats. Eats too much sugar-free candy.
Radical Hat Rolling in Vietnam
Some pictures of rolled hats from my dad’s Vietnam time.
Apparently they aren’t allowed to do this in the desert. It would be unseemly for a ready, deadly fighting force to customize their cover.
Fight or Flight
Can I tell you a story?
This is called Fight vs. Flight.
Me and a friend–we`ll just call him Bill–were rounding a corner walking in my neighborhood when we were startled by a loud, large barking dog.
Me, standing my ground and bracing myself: “Jesus!”
Bill, leaping balletically and running: “Shit!”
We then realized the dog was chained.
Me: “You just have to outrun me, huh?”
Bill: “I would have pushed you down if I`d thought to.”
What Harry Potter Cribbed from Lord of the Rings
I realize there’s nothing new under the sun–Tolkien himself borrowed from Norse mythology. At the same time, the more I review the Harry Potter books, the more I see the echoes of J.R.R. Below is what Harry Potter cribbed from Lord of the Rings.
Considering I`m only, like, part of the way through The Two Towers, these are just the ones I’ve found so far.
| Entity | Harry’s version | Frodo’s version | |
| Devoted, lower-class sidekick | Samwise | Ron | |
| Dangerous, grasping willow tree | Whomping willow | The one that Tom Bombadil rescues Pippin and Merry from | |
| Long-haired and -bearded wizard mentor/protector whose apparent feebleness belies his wizardly power | Dumbledore | Gandalf | |
| Evil being who was banished but not destroyed, who is slowly regaining power and regrouping his army and is often referred to as “he-who-must-not-be-named/whose-name-we-dare-not-speak” | Voldemort | Sauron | |
| Permanent forehead scar | Harry’s | Merry’s | |
| Troll unleashed by enemy | Mountain | Cave | |
| Character who could be portrayed by Robbie Coltrane | Hagrid | Gimli |
For good measure, here’s some stuff ripped off from The Black Cauldron.
| Oddly cute creature almost annoying in his devotion to the protagonist, who refers to himself in the third person | Dobby | Gurgi | |
| Animal assistant with name that sounds like “Henwig” | Hedwig | Henwen | |
| John Hurt as | Mr. Ollivander | The Horned King |
Gin and Juice Essay
Snoop Dogg’s “Gin and Juice,” from his quadruple-platinum 1993 album Doggystyle, proved itself a top 10 hit and ushered in the age of West Coast gangster rap. But few would guess that the content of its lyrics would pave the way for the slow, often ignored birth of the genre of homo-hop, as its artists call it, through which urban gays gain an outlet to express themselves in a field long dominated by drugs, violence, and chasing women. “Gin and Juice” richly merges the traditional themes of gangster rap with the misgivings and fears of growing up gay in a gay-hating climate. The song is best interpreted as the lament of a gay man writing straight rap, which makes it “kinda hard bein Snoop D-O-double-G.”
First observe that it is very unlikely the audience he speaks to in the first verse is female. He explicitly asserts he wishes to “kick a little something for the G’s,” not the women. And why would he brag to a woman about the “bitches in the living room gettin it on”? Furthermore, if this party includes that kind of public sex, it seems unusual for Snoop to tell his partner to be sure to “turn off the lights and close the doors.” He affirms this scenario by concluding that “we”–presumably he and his partner–“don’t love them hoes, yeah!”
In this context, his mention of condoms in the first verse is at once a refreshing appeal for safer sex and an expression of discontent for the disparity between what Snoop and his friends feel comfortable doing. While Snoop has “a pocket full of rubbers” and his “homeboys do, too,” his heterosexual friends are free to couple in front of each other in the living room, while he must retreat with his partner to a private room. After all, “you got to get yours, but fool I gotta get mine.” The contradiction makes him angry, and inspires his only use of the term “motherfucker” in the song. He seems to be angry because he writes songs for the entertainment of his straight friends while he struggles secretly, internally: “G’s up, hoes down, while you motherfuckers bounce to this.”
The pervasive misogyny in the song shows some purpose, for it seems natural that a gay man would project his anger at the society that expects and compels him to pair with women onto those women he pairs with. Repeatedly he expresses his preference for men: “We don’t love them hoes”;”I don’t love you hoes”; “G’s up, hoes down”. He tells the “bitch” Sadie she “gets none of these,” as he is “at ease… with the Dogg Pound”–his male friends–and not her.
His repeated descriptions of drug and alcohol use indicate that he relies on substances to resolve himself to the situations he allows himself to be put in. The chorus has him “sippin` on gin and juice,” even as he just rolls down the street. And when Dre brings him a woman in the third verse, he must use both “Tanqueray and chronic” to perform.
The message of this song for urban gays is strong but not optimistic. When he mistreats the woman Dre brings “to serve” him, he tells her “don’t get upset,” and asks her to try to understand his situation is just as hard as hers–after all, “that’s just how it goes.” The special sympathy here between Snoop and this woman is apparent when he calls her “girl,” rather than “bitch” which would have easily fit the rhythm. He is, unfortunately, as resigned to concealing his sexual identity from his friends as this woman is to serving men sexually. Even so, Snoop asserts he will “somehow, some way/Keep comin up with funky ass shit like every single day.” His internal conflict continues, but he will not let it interfere with his career.
Cruella charges the camera
I don’t know who’s in this picture, and you don’t want to know where it comes from. But I have the following observations to make about it:
- It’s funny as hell.
- I have great admiration for anyone this unselfconscious.
- I have great admiration for the photographer for capturing this shot. I would probably pee if she rushed my camera.
- She looks like Katherine Harris. There. I said it.
The King, Baby
 You there. No, not you, the redhead. Come here. |
So what does Bruce Campbell, whom Sam Raimi described as taking “the best head shot in the world,” mean to you? What is he doing here? The same thing he has been doing in my dreams the past two weeks: freaking me out. Once, he followed me down I-95 to Disney World in a bitchin` Camaro and didn’t even stop at South of the Border OMG!!! Last night, I was cast as his foil in a feature-length “Jack of All Trades” despite my absence of acting ability or British accent. No matter. I use this site to beg of thee, Bruce Campbell, get out of my dreams and into my Back 2 Back Action Pack, where you belong. Look forward to seeing you in “The Majestic” this winter. Viva Bruce! |
Early 90`s Radio
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I’ve lately come to terms with the fact that I started listening to white Top 40 music at the very moment that it was an unguided wasteland–from 1990 to 1992. This was a dark time for radio–darker, I assert, than the great trifecta of pain that grips white radio today (pre-processed pop, post-processed boy rock, and the narfing of rap by metal), for one feels the tentative stretch toward the next big thing (I predict a rebirth of un-Lilith melodic chick rock, reflective of the new Charlie’s Angels fighting chick movie motif).
One observes in both these eras that hip hop and its kid sister dance music are the only popular genres doing anything interesting and new. I speculate this is so it can stay ahead of the mass of whiteness coming to assimilate it. I also speculate that part of the reason Missy and Nelly remix and rerecycle their licks is to beat the Orlando popsters of 2030 to it. |
 Together Forever with looking like Mike Myers + Michael Bolton from Office Space |
Important traits not to forget, although you may continue forgetting Michael Bolton, Celine’s beginnings, and Rick Astley’s long-haired comeback with the aptly titled “Cry for Help” (which I liked, so sue me, I was twelve):
Hair metal was still in effect. I had thought of this as a purely late-eighties phenomenon for some reason–a Metallica-heralded synth-pop backlash. Oh my God, I was wrong: Firehouse (Don’t Treat Me Bad); Damn Yankees (High Enough); Motley Crue (Kickstart My Heart, Don’t Go Away Mad); Slaughter (Spend My Life); Winger (Miles Away–oh, God, WINGER!). I leave Queensryche off this list because “Silent Lucidity” is about as hairy power ballad as “Bohemian Rhapsody.” Also consider that Firehouse’s “When I Look Into Your Eyes” hit #8 in 1992, and that I saw the Screaming Trees open up for them that year. The moral of this story is that grunge killed hair metal. So say what you want about grunge. It killed hair metal. Nuff said.
I love Heavy D: The author of the theme song of every predominantly black cast TV show since In Living Color hit with “Now That We’ve Found Love” in 1991. What are we gonna do with it? It’s gettin` kind of hectic on the charts, as this song tops at #11 and there is no God.
Mary J. Blige hit #7 in 1992 with “Real Love.” You didn’t know that was her, did you? Did you? You liar.
“Under the Bridge,” circa 1992 and still getting played occasionally on Top 40 radio, is about half as old as I am. Ah, yeah. And “Wicked Game,” which now gets played on the eighties-and-more station, is from 1991. You work that out.
Country had not crossed over: No Shania, no Faith. And country, more importantly, held not even the most remote promise of crossing over–at #4 in 1992, “Achy Breaky Heart.” Okay, that was unkind–I`ll pretend that Bonnie Raitt has a genre and call her country with “I Can’t Make You Love Me” at #18.
The Black Crowes were #1 in edgy. You could pick the next generation’s alternateens in 1991 by who was wearing “Shake Your Moneymaker” instead of Morrissey. They made vaguely country-fried rock before so-for-real bands like Cravin Melon, they waggled pot leaves before Cypress Hill commissioned their first towering Buddha, and Chris Robinson was Ric-Ocasek-skinny before Mike McCready even started filling out. They were hippie, and they still are, for the love of Pete. Chris is even married to Kate Hudson now. So that has to mean something.
I was going to conclude that Cracker, with their Top 40 hit “Low,” was grunge before grunge was grunge and thus the true beacon for a new era. But upon researching the subject I see they have had no Top 40 hit. And that “Low” came from an album released in August of 1993, more than a year after Nevermind and Ten. They had a single in 1992 called “What the World Needs Now (Is Another Folk Singer Like I Need a Hole In My Head).” So I don’t suppose they were exactly formative.
So I assert in conclusion that the best thing about the radio music of years 1990 to 1992 is that I don’t remember them very well. The end.