Gay Marriage

I really, really like finding out that something I took for granted wasn’t always was the way it is. My first stunning revelation in this regard was that Christmas wasn’t always a happy fun life family holiday. I`m not even talking about how supposedly no one knows what day Mr. J. Nazareth was born, and the church just picked the dead of winter as healthy competition for solstice. I`m talking about, in America up to the Civil War, the celebration of Christmas being frowned on and even illegal. Read the link; it’s cool.

The second was that the Republican push for “family values” was about going back to some warm and fuzzy mother-poisoning Life With Father era. Actually, go back a little further and you see that the emphasis was on community — that we were all in the family of man. The shift to “family values” was to help rich people feel better about ignoring people who smell bad.

Good morning, ladies. Am I imperious enough for you?

My general mentality is that throughout human history people in general have gotten more progressive — meaning modern industrialized world is the most progressive society ever and I guess the Babylonians all lived cloistered lives having married missionary sex in the dark and refraining from swearing Babylonian swears.

My general mentality is a foaming stinkbomb of wrong.

In this vein, I would like to address the issue of gay marriage — recognition of a same-sex union by the church. Not the totally distinct entity of civil unions — recognition by the state (which, in my humble opinion, is inevitable, desirable and does not slippery slope to every American marrying five baby zebras. We make up gray-area laws all the time — the state-determined age of consent springs to mind, not to mention alcohol, firearm and tobacco regulations. All you states that don’t want to recognize same-sex unions need to realize a fundamental economic truth: gays gots money. Don’t force all your rich-ass, law-abiding gays up to Vermont. It’s cold there).

Anyway. Gay marriage. I’ve heard some neo-cons point to this mind-bending concept and ask for any civilization — any at all — that permitted such a thing. I`m not going to tell you about Roman emperors publicly marrying rocks, horses and relatives. I`m not going to tell you about Greeks or Molly houses or Cheyenne berdaches. I`m going to tell you about gay marriage in the Christian church. Okay, I`m just going to link to it. It happened. Kind of a lot. Gayness did not salt the earth or scorch the landscape. Gayness did not go on crusades or spread the black plague. Gayness was chillin`.

I ain’t done with gayness. What really chaps my hide about these neo-cons snorting and grab-assing about civil unions (back to civil unions now) is the way that they are soup-to-nuts obsessed with gay men. Can’t get enough of gay men. Can’t stop talking about gay men and wiping away the flecks of drool as they stifle their gay-men-fascinated fantasies. Inevitably — 1000 out of 1000 times — you bring up gay women, whom they ain’t got no bible verses or AIDS distortions or sodomy statutes for, and they sort of snigger and say something about “rug munch” and go right back to the hot leather dance party in their brain that they have for gay men.

Sometimes a cigar is not just a cigar. And where is his left hand?

Isn’t this a dead giveaway? Isn’t this the complete fifth-grade pigtail-in-the-inkwell mentality? OMG I am so crushing on you but I can never tell the guys in gym would never stop ribbing me! If you’re watching Angel, and your significant other keeps walking in and out of the room saying “Gawd, how can you look at David Boreanaz? David Boreanaz is so gross. Eww, David Boreanaz,” then you can bet your significant other, male or female, gay or straight, has got a case of the crawling creeps for David Boreanaz.

I think I`m done now.


Draws. Sweats. Eats too much sugar-free candy.

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8 Responses

  1. Bill says:

    Guys, just to let you know, Gay same sex partnerships became legal in Blair`s Britain on December 30th 2006 – still not marriage though – only a legal partnership but you have the same rights as a married couple has for inherritance, visitation rights in hospital etc

  2. says:

    It is scary that in the 21st century people can still consider a person`s sexuality grounds for what is really the most base, most disgusting kind of abuse – an assault on a person`s moral character. It`s a sobering thought that even the `liberal` presidential candidate is staunchly oppossed to gay marriage. Dick Cheney`s daughter is gay. Just thought I`d drop that in as it `s one of my favourite facts!

  3. mugwok2 says:

    Man….the best thing about being gay was I DIDN`T HAVE TO MARRY THEM! Why go and spoil a good thing?

  4. Ross says:

    Wait wait wait – the Republicans are the one`s that say “no big government”, right? They say, “keep it in the family”, “no interference in private matters such as guns and age of consent” and so on, yeh? But, the most basic, private and individual thing possible – the choice of whom you sleep with – they want a fucking constitutional ammendment for? America sux even was than Blair`s Britain.

  5. bob says:

    i hate u all u guys are all gay i made this website

  6. Anonymous says:

    so fukk off i send a virus to u i will program it in my website right now

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