Fake Names

When I was a programmer, and had a lot of opportunities to enter fake data that couldn’t be unprofessional like “H. Jablome” because customers might end up seeing them, I developed a system of coming up with fake names. It is neither as entertaining as coming up with a porn name (first name: first pet; last name: street you grew up on, which makes me Blackie St. Mary’s and limits my target demographic; nor as topical as coming up with your Jedi name (not sure how or what mine is, but it’s something like Tojla OIwpewqqq; but still a good way to waste time.

Take a song named after a person. There’s your first name. Add the last name of the person who sings the song.

Wow, that was exciting. But you get good names this way — names that don’t sound too fake or weird. Sure, you have to skip Layla Clapton and Angie Jagger, but then you get:

• Veronica Costello
• Michelle McCartney
• Sara Balin
• Crazy Mary Williams

It’s tougher to make guys this way. I guess there’s Angry Johnny Poe, or Johnny Feelgood Phair, or Danny Boy Church, so there’s a cast for the next Elmore Leonard novel.

What can y`all come up with? If you don’t think this is too funny, there’s always this:

Ewwwww…