Avatar

You smell like blueberry syrup...
Do you wanna date my…?

Worth seeing. Troubling in some ways, at once too long and not enough of the good stuff (Zoe Saldana more pls kthx; but worth seeing.

Here there be spoilers.

The race issues in Avatar are addressed here on io9 more eloquently than I could. I will emphasize that I liked Jake Sully (the hero) as a shmoe Na’avi, just barely making the cut, a lot more than I liked him being the Mary Sue Na’avi. He is a shmoe! He has shmoe virtues, like guts and not knowing when to quit! If he had tamed the super-bird with shmoe powers (like, “I figured I had nothing else to lose”) instead of, like, mystical unspeakable awesomeness, then that would be one thing.

But no. It was, like, Na’avi midichloreans in the third act.

You know what they say about eight-foot-tall blue men...
I was told there would not be midichloreans

Anyway.

Anything with the Na’avi was pretty freakin’ brilliant. I totally bought what they were selling. The performances broke my brain. The world felt authentic. Totally believable.

What a wonderful phrase.
Hakuna Matata!

Which is weird, because the human stuff felt like a cartoon.

Company jerkface Giovanni Ribisi out Paul-Reisers Paul Reiser from Aliens, then gets jettisoned at the midpoint, never to speak another line, in favor of Colonel Evil. Colonel Evil is so evil he drinks coffee on the bridge of the helicopters annihilating defenseless “humanards.” Colonel Evil is so evil he can’t wait to abandon diplomacy, though no one makes an effort to justify ‘war.’ Colonel Evil also somehow has the authority to make these decisions, as I suppose General Evil and President Evil had an Evil-Con to get to.

Michelle Rodriguez disobeys orders mid-mission and is yet somehow still in the service the next day.

Plus I have a general big problem with fantasy movies depicting troops getting killed. Hated it in Transformers 2, hated it in G. I. Joe (both of which were my bad for seeing, I know. It was RiffTrax). Yeah, we see the troops getting riled by Colonel Evil, but troops follow orders, so please don’t shoot them or blow them up for my entertainment.

More of this please.
Whoa, they just blew up nine American military analogues. Not cool!

A friend described Avatar as the “world’s most expensive anime,” and when I think about it like that I can make sense of it. It rambles. It drops raisins of real emotion in a pudding of repetitive nonsense. But overall it works.

And Zoe Saldana plays an eight-foot-tall blue woman who kicks monster ass. So you have to like that.

Tory

Draws. Sweats. Eats too much sugar-free candy.

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4 Responses

  1. Gracie Hayes says:

    i like fiesty girls and michelle rodriguez is a really fiesty girl that i love to marry -`’

  2. michelle rodriguez is a bad ass woman, i like her tough woman personality’-~

  3. Your Anomalous Fan says:

    Oh, and my first sentence was supposed to read like “wait, it’s GOOD?” and not “what the *#&$ was she thinking?” I just re-read that post and realized that I sounded a wee bit like Prince Philip addressing the NAACP. Which he would have done in a Klan robe.

  4. Your Anomalous Fan says:

    I skipped almost all of that post after I saw that you actually *liked* it. Did “Avatar” have the worst marketing campaign ever? It made it look like a 2-hour cutscene from a “Final Fantasy” game and turned me off to the point that I didn’t want to go even just to nerd out over the graphics. I trust you though ’cause you’re so darned picky, so if I see this thing and it stinks then you owe me a movie or some brownies or something.

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