Red Eye

Rachel McAdams, Cillian Murphy and Wes Craven — this movie should totally have hung the ten. It’s got an 80+% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, which is sort of like how Revenge of the Sith got an 80+% rating GAH WOTEVA! except that movie was bad, so bad, and this one just has a weird let-down Scream redux (refrux?) ending that sort of poos all over what has gone before. How Scream redux? How about the dude closest to the heroine shooting the bad guy in the foyer (ouch, right in the foyer!; and then the dude and the heroine standing over his face-up dead body uttering some end-of-movie OMG-he-is-so-dead profundities? Then David Arquette gimps up, though you thought he was dead? OK, no.

Ri-i-ight before Cillian’s appendix burst.
Rachel didn’t realize — he sorta always made that face

I’ve heard this movie compared to Panic Room, as in, “this is the movie that `Panic Room` wanted to be.” I dunno — seemed like Panic Room wanted to be a movie that made me squinch up in my seat and make faces at the screen and go “UNNGH” when Jodie won’t blink at the guy WHY WON`T SHE BLINK AT THE GUY? I didn’t get that sort of tension with Red Eye — probably because, um, the trailer totally shows Rachel McAdams in a car chase situation, which would indicate at some point she gets off the plane.

So I`m going to heckle galore, which is unfair, because I liked this movie overall and I would see it again. Though possibly as a drinking game. (Woop! There goes a chair — everybody drinks!)

God, I hope she’s not getting her hands on a chair somewhere…

  • What the trailer doesn’t indicate is what Cillian Murphy wants from her, and that’s probably smart, because I would be less likely to get fired up about a thriller if I found out the heroine’s life wasn’t on the line, and it was some Secretary of Silver Wolfy Hairlines and his family that you don’t know anything about, but they seem nice and they have kids so OK.
  • The whole hook for Cillian tormenting Rachel is sort of neutered. He can’t kill her — he needs her cooperation. He’s not after her — just some vague authority she has (he can get a seat beside her on the plane, and he knows what room in her hotel is available, but he can’t wrangle a room change?) He has terrible peripheral vision, as anything put on the floor in front of him earns a flying pratfall. Also, against him an object’s stopping power is indirectly proportional to its heft: solid oak chair — glancing blow; but OH NO NOT WICKER!

    OK, and there’s this — I`m not real clear on the setup, but apparently he calls to get the hitman at her dad’s house to kill, but doesn’t have to call it off in a timely way? Isn’t that how these things are done — there’s a plan in place, and the bad guy makes the call when he’s happy?

    Furthermore, Rachel looks vaguely like she could take him out. Sure, she tahnay, but she looks like she’s spent some gym time — Cillian, in a real-world, non-apocalyptic context, looks one slurp of Gatorade away from falling to dust.

    Um, can we get the gentleman behind me some Gatorade?

  • While I`m peeing on the plot, is a shoulder-launched missile really the way to take out a human target? I mean, what happened to blowing up a car? Shooting him in the lobby? Then there’s good ol` poison — howzabout a ninja-style drop of poison down a thread into the his mouth as he sleeps? Sleeper agent in his Starbucks? Well, there’s a reason none of these methods of mayhem could take out the Secretary — he’s being guarded by COLBY.

    He has a last name, but c`mon — you know who I`m talking about. COLBY.

    Dude, I know you told me not to call, but I totally just saw COLBY!

    I drove my heckling partner approximately 20% more insane by loudly whispering “Colby!” whenever Colby showed up. I think I missed whole plot points and lines of dialogue when he was on screen — not because I think he’s teh hottness, but because when he walked, he WALKED, and when he shouted “This way!” he SHOUTED. Not like I`d imagine a real Secret Service agent would be — especially because I think they would bodily move you wherever they wanted you and there`d be no “This way!” about it — but totally all-caps INTENSE.

    You know how he is in that Schick Quattro commercial? Intense and slick, which is perfect for a pitchman? Well, that’s sort of how he is in this movie. Also, he has Victor Von Doom (TM) bootblack in his hair. None of this matters. It’s COLBY!

    Hmm… I`m sort of wondering what a different and ostensibly better movie this would have been if Banana-Republic-model-type Colby were the bad guy and Calvin-Klein-model-type Cillian were the Secret Service agent.

    Don’t forget me! I`m also farcically intense!

  • Rachel McAdams is very good. This is to be expected. She has exceptionally good screen presence and moist eyes. I will officially see whatever Rachel McAdams does. Especially if she does a remake of Clue and plays Miss Scarlett. Food for thought.

    Yeah — now they say Jennifer Garner looks like *me*

  • Cillian Murphy is good, but, as I noted upon seeing the trailer, he looks creepy as hell, and I wouldn’t strike up a conversation with this dude (maybe he needs his softening Batman Begins suit and glasses). What this means is that the movie is devoid of sexiness — even in close quarters, Cillian-face to Rachel-face, it is sexy free. One, this helps make the flight attendant’s mile-high assumption ring super creepy wrong, and two, it’s a nice change of pace from sex-all-confangled-with-violence Special Raping Unit TV thrillers. Everything’s Zen.

    In case you want some sexy with your McAdams

  • In the conversation as soon as they sit on the plane, Cillian Murphy’s character graduates e`er so slowly from slightly creepy to full creepy, and this is very well done. What isn’t well done is how the score pees all over this transition:

    Cillian Murphy: So we’re sitting together.
    Score: Tunnnnnn!
    Cillian Murphy: And I`m actually a bad man.
    Score: Tunnnnnn!
    Cillian Murphy: And I`m taking your peanuts.
    Score: TUNNNNN!

  • You totally can’t queue for the bathroom on a plane no more. This bothered me way more than it should have.
  • Toward the end, in order to disguise herself, Rachel McAdams doffs a skimpy white top to reveal… a skimpier white top. “That can’t be her — we’re looking petite brunette in a black skirt and white top WITH 3/4 SLEEVES!”
  • Know that image in the ads where a woman’s hand flings up against the plane window, and then a man’s hand drags it down? Nice image — not in the movie. Which makes sense when you think, where’s she trying to get to? And did she buy a stairway to it?

Dogs make green eye!

A-a-a-and spendition.


Draws. Sweats. Eats too much sugar-free candy.

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6 Responses

  1. is David Arquette and Patricia Arquette related ? they sort of look sisters and brothers -‘`

  2. how is David Arquette related to Patricia Arquette and Rosanna Arquette ?`,’

  3. Skycat says:

    A while back I wrote a little Red Eye fan fic called Date Night. Basically, Jackson and Lisa are both high school freshmen and Jack`s had a crush on Lisa since 3rd grade. He asks her out on a date and they spend the day together and wind up falling in love. I also wrote a Cillian fic, but that`s a different story. 🙂

  4. Tory says:

    Heh — I stole the chair gags from you, so it`s only fair you do them again and better. Aran Keeng!

  5. Aran Keeng says:

    I know you`ve already touched on the fact that there is somewhat of a recurring chair theme, but I just had to reinforce the hilarity of Rachel McAddams beating down the Scarecrow with Pottery Barn and Pier 1 merchandise.

    “Woven Chair! Aaahhh! Foiled again!”

    That is all.

  6. Aran Keeng says:

    I know you`ve already touched on the fact that there is somewhat of a recurring chair theme, but I just had to reinforce the hilarity of Rachel McAddams beating down the Scarecrow his Pottery Barn and Pier 1 merchandise.

    “Woven Chair! Aaahhh! Foiled again!”

    That is all.

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