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Death of Sexy 2009

It’s that magical time of year! Time for HEINOUS COSTUMES.

These are from Love, Fifi, which is a ladywear store I like a lot. Most of their costumes are pretty fun, but they have like, two hundred, and they can’t all be winners:


Headpiece unbearably itchy in 3... 2...

This is an outfit for that special occasion that you want to show a lot of skin and be kind of chilly and uncomfortable but not actually be sexy at all. Actually, given the model’s expression, the more appropriate scenario would be some kind of group-theme costume situation that somehow forced a hot lady to be Frankenstein (“But Jeff has to be the Creature from the Black Lagoon — he has the contact lenses!”), and she was like, “FINE. But only if I can do it hotly.”

I. Am. So confused.

The appropriate scenario for dressing as a sexy watermelon is… um… uhhhh…

Death of Sexy: Well. Well, well, well.

I wish I had a picture of a Sexy Well costume for this post. Instead I have a link to some more unsexy sexy costumes. I will pretend they stole my idea, but some of these are not trying to be “sexy” costumes (the penguin) or costumes at all (the PETA bloody-woman-as-meat), so really these are just some weird pictures of women.

Like French Vogue, but seven bucks cheaper.

Anjoi!


notsexy-186gkh102808.jpg

Asylum.com: Is that sexy Halloween costume really sexy?

Rebirth of Sexy: Devil/Angel

This, by stark contrast, is brilliant:

Sexy Devil-Angel

From Inchant

Fifty bucks, plus-size, and pure awesome. I could sincerely see reversing it mid-party — p’raps starting as an angel and then converting to devil round midnight when the shot glasses come out.

If ever I was going to wear a pleather minidress, this would be it.

High-fives for everyone.

Death of Sexy: Joan of Arc

Sexy Joan of Arc

From Trashy Lingerie

To be fair, is this a costume or is it lingerie? It is incredibly short to be worn out of doors. Yet it is $350 — NOT INCLUDING SHOES.

I think everyone involved needs a good talking-to.

Death of Sexy: Some Candy

Oh. And here it is:

Sexy candy

Wow. Um. Click here if you want to see the back, which is of dubious work safety. I suggest this outfit is not meant to be worn outdoors. Or longer than the duration of Crossfade’s “So Cold.”

Death of Sexy: Boxer

Time for a sexy costume hiatus from excessive politics. And here it be:

sexy boxer

I’m not sure why this costume bothers me. I think it’s the fact that nothing about it is boxery except for the gloves. Take away the gloves, and this woman is costumed as, perhaps, a piece of candy?

Next up: A SEXY PIECE OF CANDY.

Death of Sexy: French Maid… dog?

French Maid dog

I don’t know what this is about but I’m pretty sure it has to stop.