Zombie Oscar Bait

Yesterday morning I dreamed a very detailed movie dream that starred Ryan Reynolds and Amy Smart. It was Zombie Oscar Bait.

When their town is put under quarantine, two people on their way home have their flight redirected. On the plane, there’s an attitude of, “Oh, how terrible for them, but thank God THEY’RE under quarantine and WE’RE going somewhere safe.” Turns out the quarantine story was just a fiction to get their compliance — when the plane lands, the passengers learn they are being held in isolation while their plane is inspected for contamination.

To keep them quiet, the passengers get shackled in pairs. The key sequence of the dream is that Ryan Reynolds gets dragged underwater by SHACKLED UNDERWATER ZOMBIES, and then Amy Smart winches him out by wrapping their shackle chain around a hook (heinously crushing one hand in the process, but small price to save Ryan Reynolds). They bludgeon the Shackled Underwater Zombies.

Then she asks, “Did they bite you?” And he says, “I don’t know” — because when you are attacked by Shackled Underwater Zombies the details can be hazy.

And then they must check him for bite wounds, and to avoid this becoming a heinous fanfic I will leave it at that, but suffice it to say that it is very smoky and tasteful and in the end one of them dies and it is totally Oscar Bait.

I am a genius.


Draws. Sweats. Eats too much sugar-free candy.

You may also like...

%d bloggers like this: